Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
