Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
