saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
