No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
