Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
