I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
