She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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