you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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