gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
