how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
