He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
