There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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