Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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