i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
