How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
