If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
