He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
