using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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