I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
