I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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