I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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