I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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