its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
