There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My life is pants optional.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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