I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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