I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
