just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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