At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
