what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
