He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
