im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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