I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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