You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
