so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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