help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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