It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize