OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
