I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
