I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
