Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
