She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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