I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
