apparently the secret to your success is patron
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
