Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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