nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
