WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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