When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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