Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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