I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
