I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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