I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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